As I’ve said over and over again, I will not sign a plan that adds one dime to our deficits. Period. This plan will be paid for. The middle class will realize greater security, not higher taxes. And if we can successfully slow the growth of healthcare costs by just 1/10 of one percent each year, it will actually reduce the deficit by four trillion dollars over the long term.

(sigh!) The math geeks are always quick to point out what they perceive as flaws in our Dear Leader’s arithmetic. Sure, 1/10th of 1 percent is .001, so elementary algebra would tell you that to save four trillion dollars using such a small percentage reduction would imply a total healthcare cost of, well, four quadrillion dollars. Right, we get that, you nerds! But did the President ever say what kind of time frame that would be? He said, “over the long term,” so how do you know he wasn’t talking about centuries of healthcare costs? Dummies!

In scrutinizing numbers like this, the math dorks are totally missing the point anyway, and they really should just shut the hell up! The point here is to pass Obamacare, because we all know we neeeeeeed it. Who cares what the friggin’ numbers actually tell us? Big number savings sound fantastic to the guys that cast the votes on Capitol Hill, and that’s all that matters. Whether the financial facts pass the truth test or not is irrelevant. After all, to get to our Promised Land of free unicorns and skittles for everyone, the ends justifies the means, baby!