We're gonna build stuff and invent stuff!
Jan 21, 2011
We’re going back to Thomas Edison’s principles. We’re gonna build stuff and invent stuff!
So once again, our Dear Leader is under attack for speaking to his audience like a bunch of third graders. And once again, we’re here having to defend Him against misguided attacks questioning his intelligence.
Look, it’s an undisputed fact that Obama is the smartest President ever. Unquestionable fact. The mainstream media says so.
So, when you couple the President’s uber intelligence with the fact that 20% of American adults read at or below a fifth-grade reading level, then you must understand that when he went off teleprompter to address his audience with phrase like “invent stuff” that he was merely ensuring that he spoke in terms 100% of his audience (primarily composed of his adoring constituents) could comprehend. This is a communication skill he likely honed as a community organizer - which is to always speak to your lowest common denominator. To do otherwise would be exclusionary!
Of course, had George W. Bush ever uttered such a phrase, it would be confirmation of his bona-fide idiotness. But when said by The One, it is ,of course, an indication of his bona-fide awesomeness stemming from his superior edumacational background. It is important to make this distinction.
Another common line of attack against our Dear Leader on this speech stems from the references to Thomas Edison, inventor of the incandescent light bulb. With the President’s party gleefully sending packing the last plant to make such bulbs in this country, in favor of CFL-style bulbs made principally in China, critics are contending that Obama is showing himself to be out of touch on this topic.
Well rest assured that nothing could be further from the truth. Did you not listen to the speech? We’re gonna invent stuff!
Comments
Here Willy, you take the ball. I'm off to a party!
Dec 11, 2010
Here’s what I’ll say: I’ve been keeping the First Lady waiting for about half an hour, so I’m gonna take off. You’re in good hands.
Granted, this made for kind of a surreal scene in the White House briefing room: our current President brings in a relatively popular ex-President in order to promote extending the tax policies of a relatively unpopular ex-President. The video shows Barry hand the ball over to Bubba and then promptly leave the room to go hit a Christmas party.
Critics naturally are going batty over this, some suggesting our Dear Leader merely wants to be a ceremonial King, rather than deal with the hard duties of being President.
Rest assured, that’s not the case, and our Dear Leader has the situation completely under control! Again, you must always temper your first impressions of videos like this with the undisputed fact that Barry is incredibly sharp, possessing a cerebral capacity that few outside of the main stream media can fully comprehend. Leaving Bill Clinton alone in the briefing room to serve as a de-facto Obama spokesman was actually a shrewd political tactical strategy on Barry’s part, one that went over almost everyone’s head.
Think about it! Hillary is rumored to be contemplating making a run for the White House in 2012, but with images of Bill comfortably back in the symbolic power position with Barry, a run for President means Hillary wouldn’t just be running against her current boss, but she’d be running against her husband as well. Brilliant!
Of course, having Bubba man the podium and push Obama’s tax bill compromise helps Barry deflect some of the flack he’s getting from his own party. But that’s secondary!
Also, keep in mind that our Dear Leader is clearly a man under a lot of stress right now. We should all be grateful to have someone like Bubba willing and able to take on some of the heavy lifting of the Presidency, so that we can get Barry back in front of the eggnog pitcher, STAT! This should be very beneficial to both his demeanor and, of course, maintaining his beautiful relationship with Michelle. Let’s just hope they left some booze for Bubba!
Republicans are hostage-taking terrorists!
Dec 07, 2010
I’ve said before that I felt that the middle class tax cuts were being held hostage to the high-end tax cuts. I think it’s tempting not to negotiate with hostage takers, unless the hostage gets harmed. Then people will question the wisdom of that strategy. In this case, the hostage was the American People, and I was not willing to see them get harmed.
Yes, at first brush it might appear as though the Great Uniter has thrown yet another verbal turd into the ongoing class warfare and partisan split. But as always, you have to separate the rhetoric from the reality. Remember, our Dear Leader is a proven Master of Compromise. By comparing the Republicans to hostage-taking thugs, Obama is actually upping the ante of negotiation diplomacy in a most uncanny way.
You see, compromise is a “give and take” proposition for both sides. The GOP will ultimately make nice with Obama and agree to some controversial spending porkulus attached to the tax bill; in exchange our Dear Leader will concede that the Republicans are in fact not on par with terrorists. Everyone’s happy!
Just you wait and see how many more fantastic legislative deals will emerge from Barry’s negotiating prowess once the House changes hands in Jan 2011!
We must punish our (American) enemies!
Oct 25, 2010
We’re going to punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us.
Okay, so at first pass this might sound like a terrible gaffe, the kind of thuggish statement only a dirty union boss would utter. An average Joe might conclude that if he is a moderate or conservative Democrat that does not support ObamaCare, amnesty, cap and trade, card check, high taxes, massive debt and all things Big Government, then HE is “the enemy” and his “punishment” is coming.
Yes, we’ll give you that this sounds kind scary or even un-American, on the surface.
But don’t let the critics get you down, fellow Progressives! The truth is, this bit of oratory from The One, the Great Uniter, is actually oozing with clever political strategy! It’s just difficult sometimes for us plebes, saddled with the relative mental acuity of low-end baboons, to fully comprehend the brilliance our Dear Leader exudes with every passing breath.
You see, Obama was addressing a predominantly Latino audience when he made this remark, and Barry knows that things tend to get lost in translation when dealing with people who speak English as a second language. Thus, El Presidente simply crafted his message with words that would guarantee his message got through to his audience, that’s all!
So you can tell any right wingers you know, and anyone else up in arms about this statement on punishing dissenters, that Barry didn’t really mean “punish” in the conventional sense. No, no, no. What he meant, of course, was that he wants to “engage in constructive dialogue with those people whose inferior intellectual capacities prevent them from fully buying into the Glorious Obama Agenda so as to nudge them into a more Correct way of thinking.” But a long English sentence like that could be confusing to a largely Mexican audience, hence the shortened, simple-to-understand word, “punish,” was used.
So Tea Baggers and Blue Dogs can relax! It’s not like Barry’s gonna bust their knee caps or something!
Endowed by (me) with certain unalienable rights
Sep 19, 2010
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal [long pause], endowed with certain unalienable rights: life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That’s what makes us unique. That’s what makes us strong.
So, yes, our humble Messiah omitted a religious reference when quoting from the Declaration of Independence (the original phrase written by the Founders was, “...endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights...“). Naturally, this minor three word omission in the President’s speech has right wingers -- you know, the ones who like to cling to their guns and religion -- going bat-crazy. “See,” they say, “Obama deliberately dropped a reference to God!”
Well, duh! Of course our Dear Leader deliberately omitted those words. Based on Obama’s long pause and scowl in the video, it appears his teleprompter writer had the audacity to actually include that “by their Creator” phrase in the script. Fortunately, our ever ready President engaged his quick thinking reflexes and daftly jumped past those words. And it’s a damn good thing he did, too!
You see, as a bonafide Super Genius, Obama knows all about being sensitive to his audience, particularly those that are most easily offended. He knows that while it’s tough to put off a hardened, God-fearing Christian, Barry’s many atheist and tree-worshipping supporters don’t want to hear one word of that Creator/Christian bullshit! Yes, our President is that sensitive! It’s just like when he was talking to a crowd in Austria and referred to their spoken language as “Austrian” - Barry knew that Austrians generally need to distinguish themselves from Germans! It’s all about sensitivity and empathy, people!
And don’t forget, just to show how genuinely appreciative he is to those few Christians that remain in this country (and, perhaps, to give a tiny bit of deference to the Creator himself), Barry did delay his golf game the next day to attend services at the St John’s Episcopal Church. So all’s cool, man! Hallelujah!
They talk about me like a dog!
Sep 06, 2010
...and over the last two years that’s meant taking on some powerful interests. Some powerful interests who have been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time, and they’re not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog! That’s not in my prepared remarks, it’s just, but it’s true.
It’s no surprise that right-wing fruitcakes across the country are falling all over themselves analyzing this one. “Look,” they say, “more evidence that our President is just a thin-skinned weenie, an out-of-touch ideologue exuding a victim mentality because he can’t handle criticism of his failed economic policies!”
That is, of course, just a lame surface analysis of Barry’s remark. But what else would you expect from the Right? They get their panties in a wad over the littlest things. We’re talking about a group of loonies who follow the likes of conservative pundit Mark Levin, a notorious dog lover that would naturally have a knee-jerk offensive reaction to any insinuation that “talking about someone like a dog” is an insult. Hell, Levin probably likes dogs better than people!
Of course, we all know that Barry’s off-teleprompter doggie remark is just another example of our Dear Leader channeling his supreme intellect to deliver a brilliantly thought-through, deep-meaning phrase, one that would play well to the common folk he was addressing. Remember, it was Labor Day, and he was speaking to a crowd of AFL-CIO people, after all. Union bosses love to talk down to their dogs, so they all understood the reference right away!
But as further evidence of our President’s superhuman communication skills at play, his dog reference goes well beyond that Milwaukee venue. Think about it, how do you tell a dog to stop doing something? You say, “NO!” “STAY!” “DOWN!” -- exactly what the GOP, the “Party of No,” has been saying to Obama relentlessly as he’s been working to transform our country into a Socialist Utopia for the past 20 months.
Fortunately, we know Obama won’t merely roll over like a dog and submit to the demands of the capitalist pigs of the Right. Nope, rest assured comrades, our Messiah will continue his glorious push to the Hard Left, no matter how nasty a disciplinary “newspaper swat” he and his fellow Democrats receive at the voting booth come November. Stay on course, Mr. President!
Transparency does not require a birth certificate
Aug 29, 2010
I would say that, uh, I can’t spend all my time with, uh, my birth certificate plastered on my forehead (snicker). It is what, the facts are the facts. And so it’s not something that I can, I think, uh, spend all my time worrying about and I don’t think the American people want that.
Damn straight the American people don’t want that, Barry! Look, when you’re busy managing the most transparent administration evah, we all know you can’t let routine paperwork get in the way of pushing your agenda. And can you imagine just how silly-looking and downright unsafe it would be for Obama to glue his Hawaiian birth certificate to his forehead, which is precisely what the crazy “birthers” have been demanding our President do? Seriously, think how distracting and potentially dangerous that would be, obscuring Dear Leader’s vision with a piece of paper stuck to his face while he’s bowing before the Japanese, Chinese or Saudi heads of state. Sheesh.
The bottom line is that it’s all about priorities, people! Were our President to waste precious minutes of his valuable time providing evidence of his birthplace, not to mention his college transcripts, that would very likely interfere with time slotted for golf and other important presidential duties. Worse still, it would suggest our Chosen One has caved in to the conspiracy theorists.
Besides, it’s really in Obama’s strategic interest to let rumors and innuendo surrounding his background simmer to a boiling point with all those nut-jobs on the far right. Their growing furor over our Dear Leader’s non-information helps isolate them from the rest of us “normal” citizens, people who understand that to be a real American you must show deference to your
So let the critics suspect that Obama’s records at Occidental, Columbia and Harvard are sealed from public scrutiny because he was really just a mediocre student from Indonesia, or something crazy like that. We all know that Obama is the most intelligent, intuitive, foresightful, ass-kicking leader this nation has ever seen. No hard proof of these facts is required, because contrary to what critics say, we can rest assured that the mainstream media dug way deep into our Dear Leader’s history during the primaries of 2008, and his glorious background is nothing short of impeccable. So move along now, folks, nothing to see here....
Our president has plenty of balls, thank you!
Aug 01, 2010
Jan Brewer has the cojones that our President does not have to look out for all Americans in this desire of ours to secure our borders and allow legal immigration to help build this country as was the purpose of immigration law. If our own president will not enforce a federal law, more power to Jan Brewer.
Okay, normally we reserve this page for correcting popular misinterpretations of recorded quotes that come directly from our Dear Leader. But today we’re jumping to the defense of the Messiah on behalf of a blatant falsehood uttered by someone else - our arch nemesis, Sarah Palin.
That witch Palin doesn’t know anything. Contrary to what she thinks, Obama has no shortage of balls! He has basketballs, bowling balls, baseballs, not to mention tons of golf balls! Our President even claimed a special prize at the World Testicle Cooking Championship in Serbia for being “most ballsy!”
Of course, should Obama should ever go missing any “balls” of a testicular nature, we all know it’ll be Jesse Jackson who should be prime suspect number one!
But for now, enough about our Chosen One lacking balls! Or as the wise-ass Palin says, “Cojones”... Ha! That’s probably the most Spanish that Palin knows anyway, after all she’s just a dumb hick from Alaska. El Presidente, on the other hand, knows a helluva lot of Spanish. In fact, his “Vice Presidente” would argue he’s as close to fluency as any clean, articulate, nice-looking black man can get!
Sleep and rest is for losers!
Jul 08, 2010
I will not rest... we will not rest... I will not rest.... we will not rest... no rest... no rest... no rest...
It should go without saying that “rest” is, of course, a subjective term. This may look to you like mere golfing, but for Obama this is actually how he stimulates his superhuman mental capacity to solve all our problems. You think this is restful? Think again! To the contrary, the man is an around-the-clock working machine! Seriously, some go so far as to say he’s God-like, but they forget that even the Almighty took a day of rest. Not our President! He not only does everything by himself, he does it without rest (again, subjective term!). Think about that! Every other President in the history of America has had to rest in order to accomplish major tasks. The idiot Bush had to sleep every freakin’ night to function. And to top it off, Obama could put Bush’s handicap to shame!
You're welcome, you silly TEA Party People!
Apr 16, 2010
The country was in trouble, we had to respond. . .we cut taxes for 95% of working Americans, just like I promised we would on the campaign. . .So I, I’ve been a little amused over the past couple of days where people have been having these rallies, about taxes. You would think they would be saying thank you. That’s what you’d think.
Oh those foolish TEA partiers and their crazy notions about our Dear Leader going back on his word about taxes. They are so far off base! Sure, under this administration we’ve seen a 156% hike in the federal cigarette tax, and the passage of Obamacare will mean the implementation of seven tax hikes that affect the sub-$250K earning crowd, but those increases (and any other “increases” you hear about) happened after the 95% pledge took effect under the President’s Making Work Pay tax credit. Nobody ever said how long that pledge would last. In fact, the President did even better than that pledge anyway! That tax credit, which gave average wage earners a whopping $13 per week in 2009, also gave billions to taxpayers who paid no net income taxes at all. That’s right, free money! How’s that for a low tax hit, you silly, misguided TEA party people? Just how many other Presidents have managed to pull of a feat like that?!
Don't let 'em hoodwink ya! Obama math will set it all straight.
Mar 15, 2010
How many people are getting insurance through their jobs right now? Raise your hands. All right. Well, a lot of those folks, your employer it’s estimated would see premiums fall by as much as 3,000 percent, which means they could give you a raise. . .and anybody who says otherwise is either misinformed, or is trying to misinform you. Don’t let ‘em hookwink ya. They’ll try to hoodwink ya!”
Admittedly, at first glance a 3000% reduction on anything might sound a bit silly, and of course, us laymen would be labeled as math-challenged fools if we were to drop such a verbal turd in a public forum like that. But this came from our Dear Leader, and absolutely nothing crosses his lips without having been thought through to the nth degree!
As we explained in the Sept 12, 2009 post, what you have to remember is that our uber-gifted President knows all those idiots in Congress are watching him give these speeches, and Barry has made an absolute art form out of snowing over DC legislators with complex math containing lots of zeros! With his overwhelming intellect, those congressmen turn to mere putty in his hands! And given that Obamacare is now the law of the land, you have to admit we’ve clearly got a friggin’ genius for a President! Who else could’ve gotten such a bill passed?
Thank goodness for our fine, young Corpse Men!
Feb 04, 2010
...one such translator was an American of Haitian decent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world, Navy Corpse Man Christian Bouchard...
Critics are claiming that our Dear Leader’s odd pronunciation of “corpsman” is just a reflection of his ignorance to the military, for which he is serving as our Commander in Chief. Sheesh, such a typical, simplistic conclusion!
Do we really need to spell this out?
Look, what do firemen do? They deal with fires. What do mail men do? They deliver mail.
And what do military people do? They kill! They create corpses! So they’re corpse-men! Enough said!
We gotta tighten our belts!
Feb 02, 2010
“When times are tough, you — you tighten your belts. You don’t go buying a boat when you can barely pay your mortgage. You don’t blow a bunch of cash on Vegas when you’re trying to save for college.”
Now, this might seem like a revolting thing to say at first, particularly to our fellow citizens in Las Vegas, but let’s not lose our heads over this, okay? Teh One was simply saying that when money is tight, don’t go crazy buying things you don’t really need. Just be a little frugal! Scale back our spending to the things that are absolutely vital, like golf and stimulating the Spanish economy!
Obamacare will save trillions!
Sep 12, 2009
As I’ve said over and over again, I will not sign a plan that adds one dime to our deficits. Period. This plan will be paid for. The middle class will realize greater security, not higher taxes. And if we can successfully slow the growth of healthcare costs by just 1/10 of one percent each year, it will actually reduce the deficit by four trillion dollars over the long term.
(sigh!) The math geeks are always quick to point out what they perceive as flaws in our Dear Leader’s arithmetic. Sure, 1/10th of 1 percent is .001, so elementary algebra would tell you that to save four trillion dollars using such a small percentage reduction would imply a total healthcare cost of, well, four quadrillion dollars. Right, we get that, you nerds! But did the President ever say what kind of time frame that would be? He said, “over the long term,” so how do you know he wasn’t talking about centuries of healthcare costs? Dummies!
In scrutinizing numbers like this, the math dorks are totally missing the point anyway, and they really should just shut the hell up! The point here is to pass Obamacare, because we all know we neeeeeeed it. Who cares what the friggin’ numbers actually tell us? Big number savings sound fantastic to the guys that cast the votes on Capitol Hill, and that’s all that matters. Whether the financial facts pass the truth test or not is irrelevant. After all, to get to our Promised Land of free unicorns and skittles for everyone, the ends justifies the means, baby!
Why so surprised?
Apr 29, 2009
“Now I’ve gotta say that some of the people in Washington have been surprised, they say, ‘boy, he’s so ambitious, he’s been trying to do so much’…now, maybe they’re not accustomed to this, but there’s no mystery to what we’ve done. The priorities that we’ve acted upon were the things we said we’d do during the campaign. I mean, it’s not like anybody should be surprised!”
Hell Yeah! Teh One is a man of integrity. He told us what he would do and by golly, he's doing it! So why are some people surprised? Idiots! He's not ambitious; he's not narcissistic; he's not trying to do too much – hell, he's only getting started! Look, fundamentally transforming the United States of America is hard work, but don't act all surprised that He's doing it. Just sit back, pour yourself some Kool-Aid and enjoy the ride!
Austrian, the language!
Apr 06, 2009
“It was also interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of — I don’t know what the term is in Austrian — wheeling and dealing — and, you know, people are pursuing their interests, and everybody has their own particular issues and their own particular politics.”
A slip of the tongue? Not at all! You see, Barry is soooo culturally sensitive. He knows that in order to make the Austrians feel best about their own national heritage, we should never, EVAH make reference to those dastardly Germans to the north. Noooo, the brilliant message here is, they speak their own language in Austria, and it sure as hell ain’t German!
Yep, Teh One knows how to play European politics like a champ!
Spending is Stimulus. That's the Whole Point!
Feb 05, 2009
“Now you’ve got the argument ‘well this is not a stimulus bill, this is a spending bill’….what do you think a stimulus is? That’s the whole point. No seriously, that’s the point!”
It’s a shame that we have so many stupid people in our country – hello Cambridge Police! Jeez. I mean, are you not stimulated? Are you not entertained? Recovery Summer, catch the fevah!
Read My Lips: no new taxes. . .Nah Gah Da It!
Sep 12, 2008
“I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes.”
So critics are claiming our Messiah has gone back on his word here. Ha! What a bone-headed accusation! The problem is that President Obama is simply too smart for his opponents and critics to comprehend. They just don’t know what cerebral means. Our POTUS knows how to play the game, baby! Listen to him. Semantics, people! He did not lie, noooo! To the contrary, our Dear Leader has never submitted an actual “plan” – for anything. It’s all the work of others! So they will take the blame. It’s brilliant, really.
Look, in order to achieve our Utopian ideal, we gotta raise us some money, which means we gotta raise us some taxes. To hell with that ridiculous Laffer Curve concept! How else are we gonna get Obama Stash?
Self-love is a beautiful thing
Jul 15, 2008
"Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s. It will be a strong friend of Israel's under a McCain...administration. It will be a strong friend of Israel's under an Obama administration. So that policy is not going to change."
As Stuart Smalley might say, you gotta love yourself first! Israel is certainly figuring that out now, just ask Bibi Netanyahu.
Barry foresees many new American States!
May 09, 2008
“I’ve now been in…fifty…seven states I think, one left to go. One left to go, Alaska and Hawaii I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it.”
A mistake? Hell no, it’s the new Manifest Destiny, baby! Candidate Barry simply let it slip that under his most awesome future stewardship, our country would be expanding (presumably around the end of his third term or so in office) by about 20%. Will we annex Puerto Rico, parts of Canada, Mexico? Who knows? But just think of all the additional wealth we can spread around once this spectacular increase to our tax base comes to fruition!
We are the ones we have been waiting for
Feb 19, 2008
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
Our long march is almost complete, comrades! Our community is agitated. Our organizer is in charge. Trust in Him.
(And of course, “we” means “I” in Barry-speak. Doesn’t that comfort you? Maybe send a little tingle up your leg?)